"Social Aggression, Social Media, and the Perils of Lurking Online"

Recently I've been thinking a lot about my own media use, and limiting my time on social media. Last week, I attended a lecture that brought me a lot of insight for life now and the future. Because it's so important and helped me, I wanted to share it with you all!

The lecture "Social Aggression, Social Media, and the Perils of Lurking Online" was by scholar Marion K. Underwood. Here are some things I learned from her:

• When children know their parents monitor their social media use, their distress lowers.
• Look for nonverbal and verbal social aggression (something that harms others, damaging friendships and social status). This could even be your child's friend posting a picture that your child wasn't included in...so it's basically impossible to do. You never know how your children feel personally. Talk to them!
• Social aggression comes from gender stereotyping. Girls exclude others from toddler age because they are taught not to say something mean--they just exclude instead. We need to prevent nonverbal social aggression from the beginning. 
• Parents first need to stop modeling this in their own lives: you can't talk badly about someone behind their back (in front of your children), exclude others, gossip, etc. 
• Interrupt social aggression when you see it among your children! The example Dr. Underwood gave was when she was hosting a birthday party for her young daughter. One of her daughter's friends said, "Let's talk about who's the most popular girl at school!" Dr. Underwood said, "No, not in my house. That will hurt feelings." 
• Children need to be taught how to handle social aggression with their friends. They need to be defenders--those who stand up against a bully. To do this, they can say "That's not very nice." or even just change the subject. Research shows that once one person does this, the social aggression stops and doesn't return during that conversation!
• Dr. Underwood's suggestions for monitoring social media:
• Don't allow phones at night, during meals, or during car rides. 
• Talk to your children about their online social lives.
• Join the platforms your children are on. 
• Limit your child's time and involvement on social media.